Let's Talk About It
There's a growing issue going on in the world now that nobody seems to want to talk about. Actually, its not a 'growing' issue. It's been around for a long time, in more people than you think you can imagine. The 'growing' part of the issue is the fact that people are simply becoming more aware that it's an issue in the first place because up until now, people have have been unbelievably reluctant to talk about it. So let's talk about it.
I always start my blog posts by prefacing the topic as something that has gone on in my life at some point, or something that has been heavy on my heart for a while. I have to admit, I've never felt more led to write about something than I have been for this topic, right here, right now. I also usually preface my posts by saying that I'm okay with being vulnerable because if maybe just one other person needed to hear what I write, then I accomplished what I set out to do. This time is also no different, other than the fact that this is me being the most vulnerable I've ever been on paper (or on a screen) for anybody to read.
So this is it, I deal with anxiety. I guess I've known that for a few years now, but I've undertaken this goal to better my self in every possible aspect of my life as of late. Like literally every aspect. That has also meant paying more attention to myself, and what I was doing more than I've ever done before in order to truly see what areas need work, no matter how hard it is to admit it to myself. In the back of my head, I've known that I've always been susceptible to anxiety, but up until recently I couldn't force myself to actually admit it to myself, much less talk about it to anybody, whatsoever. The reason behind that is that I've always considered myself one of the most optimistic people you'll ever met. So how could someone as optimistic as I claim to be, suffer from anxiety and, at times, depression? I'm also one of the biggest perfectionists that you'll ever meet, something I used to be extremely proud of. As of late though, I realized that is was actually the root of my problem. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of being a perfectionist. It's the reason I'm willing to outwork anybody in the room, and the reason I have such big goals and dreams for this life of mine. But it's also the reason I tend to freak out when every aspect of my life isn't clicking. When the plans I've laid out for the day get messed up, or when I'm stuck in traffic and can't stay calm because unfortunately I care way too much about being on time for whatever reason. As an athlete, when the smallest slump or bad day occurs, I immediately begin to doubt myself and freak out because I seem to sometimes struggle with the fact that you can literally pour yourself into your craft and bad days will still occur. My breathing gets shallow, I get these spikes of adrenaline, my heart pounds, and my brain starts running ninety to nothing trying to figure out how to get back to a baseline as quick as possible. I call this being in control mode. Control mode to me is essentially where my anxiety stems from. You see, I want SO much out of my life. So I tend to micromanage every little detail of it. I usually wake up at 5:30 every morning, and on a normal day, don't get to relax again until 7, 8, or 9 that night. And even then, I don't feel like I'm doing enough with myself. I don't feel like I'm producing at the full potential that I'm capable of. I don't feel like I'm doing something with myself that could benefit others and make a difference. And honestly, it's exhausting. And as I've realized lately, it's also unhealthy. So I go and go and go, and then it'll catch up to me every few weeks or months. All of sudden, I don't want to do anything, like literally anything. My brain works itself to exhaustion and then for a day, or few days, for someone that constantly wants to be moving, getting off the couch suddenly becomes a task in itself. I tend to shut down, close off my emotions to others. And the last thing I usually want to do is talk to anybody.
Now you know my story and where I'm coming from. Let's get to the real reason I'm writing this. It's not for me. Not even a little. Mental health NEEDS to be talked about right now in our culture. People are finally starting to scratch the surface on how much of an issue it actually is, and how many people are actually affected by it. The only way to keep making the issue known, the only way, is to spread awareness so that others know that they can be open and honest about what they're going through because they can finally realize that they are not alone. So let's talk about mental health. Did you know that it is estimated that almost of the world's population will suffer from some type of depression or anxiety at some stage in their life? HALF. You are not alone, no matter how much you feel like you are, I promise you that you are not alone. The worst thing you could do is to ignore that you may have a problem, or keep it bottled up inside. Theoretically, if you were in a room with twenty people, ten of them could potentially identify with what you're going through or feeling. If you had a problem with any other part of your body, and went and saw a doctor and told people what was going on, like most us do, everybody would know you're getting better. But when we have an issue with the most complex organ in our body, all of a sudden people don't want to talk about it? And what people don't realize is that just like any other problem, this too is something you can get over. You can actually be cured. No matter what you're going through, it cannot last forever. Do you hear what I'm saying? No matter how long you've been there, no matter how low you feel like you are, whether it's depression or anxiety or PTSD or any other type of mental health condition, that is not who you are and that is not where you're condemned to stay. The worst thing you could do is to personally identify yourself as that problem. You are not depression. You are not anxiety. You are not whatever you're going through. You are going through it, that's it. And like winter turns to summer, or night turns to day, so too will you get through this season of your life. But nothing can happen until you start this process. You've got to be willing to be honest and transparent with yourself, and finally take a look inside at what you're dealing with. I know it's scary and takes an intense moment of vulnerability to admit to yourself that you may have an issue. I know it for a fact. And if you don't think I do, scroll back up to the third paragraph. Admitting that you have a mental health issue, no matter how benign or serious it may be, does not mean that you are weak. It does not mean that you are weak. And it damn sure doesn't mean that something about you is wrong, or different from everybody else. You're simply just going through some shit, so what? Life is hard guys! Some people deal with the stress of life better than others, but that doesn't mean you're any less of a person than they are.
Now I'm not going to try to get too deep into the psychology behind mental health but I will tell you what I've learned the past few weeks, and some things I've done or been told to do, to deal with it. The psychological term for the length of time you allow yourself to feel an emotional reaction to someone or something is called a refractory period. A refractory period that lasts for days or weeks is what we call a mood. However, the longer and longer you let this emotional response grip you, the closer it comes to being engrained as a personality trait. This is caused by your brain allowing yourself to continually recall that same event, over and over, because the survival emotions and stress hormones in your brain want to condition you in case it was to happen again. Now here's another crazy stat for you. Most people spend 70% of their life living in survival and living in stress. SEVENTY PERCENT OF YOUR LIFE SPENT CONSTANTLY ANTICIPATING THE WORST CASE SCENARIO OF EVERY SITUATION YOU WERE FACED WITH OR WILL BE FACED WITH BASED ON A PAST EXPERIENCE. Of all the possible outcomes of any event in our life, we consistently select the worst possible outcome. After repeatedly doing this, your body will begin to emotionally embrace it with fear until you get to the point to where you condition yourself to actually fall into a state of fear to the point to where your body will freak out and panic without you, simply because subconsciously, it's been programmed this way. So what does all this mean? By doing this, you’re constantly reliving the exact emotions you felt the first time that emotional response occurred. Your body can't decipher the difference between the experience that created the emotion and the emotion that you're creating from thought alone. So since your body doesn't know any better, it is essentially living in the same past experience over and over as if it was actually happening over and over. Now, that was just a snippet of research I've gathered from Dr. Joe Dispenza to better get an understanding of what my brain does when I have these periods of anxiety and unhappiness, do with it as you wish.
Let me tell what's worked for me these past few weeks. Three things. Three simple things that have helped me somewhat get a grip on what goes on in my head and has, at the same time, made it easier to talk about to others. The first one may seem almost too simple to actually be effective but it's actually done wonders for my moments of anxiety. It is just the simple fact of being 100% aware and conscious that I'm having a moment of anxiety. I don't know why or how this works but it seems to lift the weight somehow. Lean into those moments and learn to just be able to sit and be with your thoughts with no judgement toward yourself. If your mind wants to race, then let it race. But be aware of that fact, as to prevent it from controlling you completely. I also workout. I've been fairly serious about my fitness for 2 years now, but the last few weeks I found another gear I didn't really know I had. It's a known fact that exercising releases dopamine which is a neurotransmitter in the brain responsible for feeling pleasure, or happiness. But I also use that hour and a half to two hours a day (I know that's a lot, I'm just telling you what is working for me) to completely escape from everything I've been struggling with before I got there, and everything I might struggle with when I leave. For that period of time, my sole focus is on making myself the best possible version of myself that I can. The last is the simplest and the easiest. If you're feeling down, or exhausted from your brain constantly being anxious, it's okay to rest. Just rest, man. Give yourself and your brain a break. I know I preach a lot about working hard and long days and doing whatever it takes to accomplish what you want in life, but I realized the last few weeks how essential it is to give yourself a break. Find some time to recharge and be with yourself and reset. Just be alone and allow yourself to BE.
We've got to make a point to spread awareness of how important mental health is, guys. You can see a shift going on right now with it being talked about more and more in athletes, celebrities, and other high profile people. But it starts with us too. It starts with you, and it starts with me. It doesn't matter who you are, or what walk of life you come from. People are realizing how much of an issue it is, but it has to be talked about more and more so that it becomes easier for the people with these issues to finally be honest with themselves and get the help they need. You are not alone and you are not weak. All it takes is finally getting to the moment of transparency to change your life forever. Find someone to talk to. I don't care who it is but find a way to get it off your chest. Talk to me if you need to. Depression and anxiety is not something that we as a society can keep down, and expect to get any better. It needs to be talked about. So let's talk about it.
-BH
"People need help. And asking for it isn't a weakness. Admitting you need help and asking for it? That is acknowledging fear and gaining strength from it."-Kayleigh Ballantyne
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