What Doesn’t Define Us

by Bo Hayes July 23, 2018

Alright guys, I know that it’s been a while. As I’ve said in all of my previous posts, every topic that I decide to write about is something that I’ve either experienced recently, or that’s been heavy on my mind or heart lately. I could make excuses about why it’s been over a year since I’ve written a blog, but most wouldn’t care. The simple fact is that I let life get in the way and I didn’t exactly feel like people cared to read what i wrote. So I stopped, temporarily at least, until something really weighed on me that I wanted to get out.

I was recently having a conversation with someone, one of those conversations that goes way below the surface level. One might even call it a “heart to heart.” Anyways, a lot of talk about the past and future came up, and since then I haven’t been able to get it off of my mind. So here I am, writing again, hoping that maybe just one person needed to see what I wrote.

So what defines you? What defines you as a person?

To answer that we’ll have to address some common misconceptions that DON’T define you. Your past doesn’t define you. Nothing you’ve ever done condemns you to be that forever. Nothing. YOUR LIFE IS TOO BIG AND TOO IMPORTANT TO EVER LET ONE MOMENT DEFINE YOU. I cannot stress that enough! I can’t make it any bigger and bolder than it already is. You are not the product of one moment. Because one day, you’ll be sitting there, happier than you’ve ever been, maybe it’s a new marriage, or the arrival of your first born, or you finally got that dream job that you’ve spent years chasing and thinking about. And you’ll start to think to yourself, that everything you’ve ever done (wrong or right), every decision you’ve ever made (wrong or right), and pathway you’ve ever taken (left or right), has led you to this exact moment. And when you realize that, if you realize it, it will be one of the most beautiful moments of your life. You see, we as humans, sometimes fall victim to living in who we think we are because we tend to believe that once we’ve messed up or done something that we’re less than proud of, that that is just who we are from now on. Leave it in the past and move on. It really is that simple. Life is too short to carry that baggage with you, period. There are too many beautiful moments and opportunities ahead of you, waiting on you, to be constantly altering your own self image because of some moment that you can’t even change anymore! It makes it mind numbingly more difficult to move forward and grow, if you’re constantly living in the past and revisiting what you used to be. Do you see that? USED TO BE.

You’re also not defined by your success, or lack thereof. Let me rephrase that, you are not defined by other’s ideas of what success should be to you. Because those ideas are more than likely just fleeting moments of happiness that people think you need in order to live a sustainable and meaningful life. Just because you didn’t graduate when they did, get a job when they did, get married when they did, figure out who YOU are when they did, does not mean a damn thing to your success or your life. We all have our own journeys that we’re on, and our paths will always look nothing like anybody else’s that we encounter. And don’t be discouraged if you fail. You’re going to fail. Most likely, you’re going to fail a lot. But that’s okay! Because if you’re failing, it only means that your dreams are big. If your dreams don’t scare you, they’re not big enough. This also goes back to being bigger than one moment, because failing does not define you. Quitting defines you, but failing does not. Just because you didn’t get right the first time doesn’t mean you won’t at all. Just keep moving and keep growing. Now, your work ethic can define you. Work ethic goes hand in hand with every aspect of your life. I’m about to get even more cliche than I normally am but i feel that this is necessary. The definition of work ethic is “the belief that hard work and diligence have a moral benefit and an inherent ability, virtue, or value to strengthen individual abilities.” That’s why I always tell people that it isn’t about the success, it’s about who you become on the journey to success. Work ethic will literally open every door, and I truly believe that. If you simply refuse to give up then success, along with the quality of life you desire, will follow. Period. That work ethic will also affect every aspect of your life, too. Want to be the best boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, son, daughter, or parent you can? Work at it. Want to fix that relationship or friendship that you can feel falling apart but have decided that maybe it’s just not meant to be? Work at it. Want to chase that dream that nobody believes in but you? Work at it. Want to do something nobody has ever done before? Work at it. Want to strengthen that relationship with a loved one that you had previously accepted it was too late for? WORK AT IT.

Of course it’s going to be hard. Life is hard. Life is also not meant to be monotonous, or anything less than spectacular, and anything worthwhile IS going to require some work. But that’s okay because on the other side of ALL of that work, all of that previous pain, all of those setbacks, all of those dark moments, all of those times you questioned yourself and if you could do it, all of those times you fell victim to letting the world define who you are, ALL OF IT, is a life God has prepared for you. A life so incredible, and so full of joy, that you have no choice as a human being but to go chase it, and see it for yourself.